


I'm only human after all (don't put the blame on me)

by potterwatchology



Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Connor being protective, Halstead's being the best siblings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, Protective Connor, Threats of Violence, jay is tired of will's shit, overuse of the word gunman because words fail me, will is just tired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25682179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potterwatchology/pseuds/potterwatchology
Summary: Unlike most people who ended up in his position, Will Halstead knew exactly why he was facing down the barrel of a gun.Not that this knowledge was helping him in any way. How could it, when this nightmare was coming to an end at the hospital he worked at, of all possible places? He had known all those years ago that nothing would come of his constant need to fight, to prove himself, to go above and beyond to stroke his ego. Jay had criticized him relentlessly. Will had done his best in the most recent years to move past all of that, to become someone that Jay would be proud to call a brother.He liked to believe that he was succeeding at both objectives.Until now.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med), Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Will Halstead & Connor Rhodes, Will Halstead & Intelligence, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

Unlike most people who ended up in his position, Will Halstead knew exactly why he was facing down the barrel of a gun. 

Not that this knowledge was helping him in any way. How could it, when this nightmare was coming to an end at the hospital he worked at, of all possible places? He had known all those years ago that nothing would come of his constant need to fight, to prove himself, to go above and beyond to stroke his ego. Jay had criticized him relentlessly. Will had done his best in the most recent years to move past all of that, to become someone that Jay would be proud to call a brother. 

He liked to believe that he was succeeding at both objectives. 

Until now. 

Raphael Jenkins had never been particularly cruel. In the past, he and Will had often found themselves on the same side of a fight. Will would never have thought that the same guy who helped him ice wounds and take care of others would become someone he would fear. And Will truly was scared, although that was less for his own fate and more for the other people in the hospital. He had made his mistakes, and he could accept that he was paying for them. He just hoped that Raphael would stop after he was dead, and leave his colleagues alone. 

He couldn't stop thinking of them. His friends, his chosen family, all bustling around on the other side of the curtain. He could hear Maggie nagging at Ethan and Connor in the joking way she was known for. Will hoped that they didn't feel guilty when they found him. He hoped that they could help each other, and all the others, deal with the pain of his loss. He hoped he was missed enough for them to need help healing. 

Will sent up a small prayer, hoping that Jay would not be on the scene. His brother had experienced enough trauma. Will had really been doing his best to not add to it. He wished more than anything that he could have more moments with Jay, that he could hug him and tell him how much he loved him.

Staring down the barrel of the gun, Will was eerily calm when the shot rang out. 

The hospital erupted into chaos. 

Within moments of the shot, Maggie had placed the hospital into code silver. Nurses and doctors alike were rushing patients into other rooms and hiding themselves. Connor Rhodes, however, was frozen by the front desk. He had attended enough of the security meetings to know exactly what he was supposed to be doing, and he knew that Ms. Goodwin was going to be infuriated with him, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the area. 

Not when _Will_ was the one who was in the room. 

The only reason that Connor was still hanging around the hospital after his shift was because he had wanted, _needed,_ to talk to Will. He was tired of the back and forth game the two of them were playing, and he had decided to own up to his feelings to him today. Now, staring at the curtain separating them, he could feel the fear creeping through him. He had no idea if Will was even still alive. 

That thought got him moving. 

He could hear Ms. Goodwin's voice in his head screaming at him not to do anything stupid. He did it anyways. 

Within seconds, he had crossed the small space separating him from Will, and ripped open the curtain. He had a gun aimed at him instantaneously. While that was terrifying, he couldn't take his eyes off of Will slumped in the corner. He wasn't moving. 

He wasn't _moving._

This wasn't right. This couldn't be happening. Connor had just been laughing with Will half an hour ago, right before he ducked into this very room. Connor had made a joke that would have had Will snapping at him when they'd first met, but now had made him cackle. His whole face lit up when he laughed, and it was the most beautiful thing Connor had seen in a long time. Will was sunshine personified. 

Will wasn't moving. 

The doctor side of Connor's brain was screaming _(check for a pulse! stop the bleeding! check to see if the bullet went through or nicked something! MOVE!)_ but the moment Connor moved, he was shoved back by the man. The gunman. The gunman who had hurt Will, who may very well have killed him. 

Connor saw red. For the first time in his life, he understood how loss could bring someone to hurt others. For the first time, he wanted to hurt someone, to do to them what had been done to him. And that was just how he felt: Will's brother was going to kill this guy when he found out. The thought of Jay got Connor's brain kicking back on, this time with a plan. He needed to talk to this guy, keep him occupied and distracted long enough for the police (with Jay at the forefront, he knew, because Jay had mentioned once that he would be informed anytime any alarm was pressed at the hospital. Will had rolled his eyes and insisted that he was too overprotective, _this was a hospital, not a war zone._ Connor had pretended not to hear the fondness in his voice) to get here and take him down. 

That was the only way that he and Will would have a chance for survival. 

(He didn't think about the possibility that Will had already lost that battle.) 

Will still wasn't moving, but Connor forced himself to look away and into the eyes of the gunman. He didn't look panicked in the way he should have, considering he had heard the alarm and knew the police were on their way. He didn't seem bothered that Connor was getting a clear view of his face, either. Connor filed this away in his mind, even as it made more red flags go off in his head. Talking this guy down was not going to be an easy task, but he was stubborn and more determined than he had ever been. 

"I need to check his wound." Connor did not actually expect that to work. The gunman looked amused now, clearly getting off on his desperation. Connor kept trying anyways, even after he received a no in the form of a shaken head. "Do you really want to face a murder charge when the police get here?" 

The man's face darkened at the mention of the police, and he moved closer to Will. Connor clenched his fists to try and wade off his anger, wanting so desperately to protect Will. He needed to back off from Will before Connor truly did something stupid. 

"Ginger over here isn't dead yet." To prove his point, he dug the heel of his foot into the gun wound. Connor had never been more relieved to hear a noise from Will, although the pained groan that escaped him made Connor want to cry. A noise was good though. That proved that he was alive. Connor's job was to keep him that way until the threat was gone and he could get to work. 

"Will," Connor breathed out, barely daring to speak in fear that the gunman would injure his partner further. "Will. You're going to be okay. I'm going to make sure of it." He tried his best to sound as confident as possible, in the hopes that he could comfort him in any way. Will didn't react. The gunman did. 

Laughter filled the room. 

"Awe, did you hear that, Halstead?" He pushed his heel in further. Will groaned again. It was barely a noise because he didn't have the energy for even that anymore. Connor tried to control his shaking hands, tried to stop his heart from breaking. "Your boyfriend is here to save you. The way that you couldn't save my own." 

Now that he was talking, he couldn't seem to stop. "I bet you never even think about that. You ran away. I thought we were friends but you killed him and ran away like a coward. You are, you know? Always running away from your problems, never seeing anything through. God, I hated you. I have been dreaming of this moment, do you know that?" 

He paused for a moment, as if waiting for Will to answer. Connor chose to speak up, hoping to divert his attention back to himself. He was worried about how pale Will was. Where the hell was CPD? What was taking Jay so long? 

"What's your name?" 

Okay, so, not the best diversion ever. In Connor's defense, he was only a doctor, and the man he loved was laying on the floor in a pile of his own blood. He couldn't exactly be expected to think clearly.

"Oh, did I not introduce myself? My mother would be disappointed in me." There was a longer pause, and Connor was once again struck by how calm he was. It had been ten minutes since the shot; surely he knew that he was running out of time. 

"My name is Raphael." 

As he spoke, he brought his gun back up, once again aimed at Will. 

At the same time, Jay Halstead burst into the room. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry for the wait, college has completely taken over my life, but I am on break for two months! I plan on writing more for Rhodestead, and I am considering doing a one shots book if anyone has any requests! thank you all so much for reading (: 
> 
> the medical info in this is not completely accurate. I am not at all a doctor, but I did do research (I hope no one goes through my search history!!) Also, I am fully aware that no one would be able to enter the building once its under code silver, but the gunman never made anyone lock the doors, and it's fan fiction so... just pretend it makes sense. 
> 
> I love you guys, let me know what you think and if there's anything you'd want to see in the future!

Will could hardly see. 

The world around him was fading, a blur of colors, voices, figures, _pain._ The pain was matched with a deeper voice, one that made him want to run away. 

_Fight or flight,_ Jay's voice floated in his head. _You always want to fight, Will. But sometimes it's better to get out of a situation before it gets bad._

They had had a long discussion about that, back when Will had returned to Chicago. Covered in bruises, only a few from the explosion in the hospital. Will refused to tell him what he was dealing with, who had given him the bruises, and Jay had yelled at him. Told him that he had a death wish. That he wasn't going to encourage it, and if he wanted to get himself killed, then he should run back to New York. Will had brushed it all off, not interested in hearing his little brother lecture him. He was the doctor, the fixer. Sure, he got in fights, but who didn't? And who was Jay to talk about staying away from fights, when he had based his entire adult life on fighting? Will would be fine. 

He was not fine. 

Connor barely processed the gun shot, although he did see the smile on the gunman's face, and the hatred on Jay's. None of it mattered, not when Will was still not moving. He shoved past Jay to get to Will, trying to breathe through the worry in his chest. He distantly heard more members of the Intelligence Unit showing up, but didn't pay them any attention. Will wasn't moving. He wasn't moving, Connor was too late, _again._

 _"Connor!"_ Jay was shouting his name, clearly looking for an update. His voice was shaky, Upton had her hand on his shoulder and he was leaning into it as if he couldn't stand on his own. Connor understood the feeling. It pushed him into action, his brain going into doctor mode. 

"It went through his shoulder, I can't tell if it ruptured anything, get me a doctor and Maggie in here now!" He didn't look to see who followed his orders, putting all of his focus on Will and what needed to be done. "Someone grab me gauze, I need to stop this from bleeding so I can see it better." WIll's lab coat was soaked from Connor applying pressure, but he would prefer to use something sterile. He didn't look to see who handed him a pack, just ripped it open and applied the pads as hard as he could. 

Will groaned in response, his head turning as his eyes fluttered open. Connor smiled at him, the doctor in him hoping that he would stay conscious, while the human part wished he wasn't experiencing any of this pain. 

"Will, hey, look at me. You can't move. You're okay, I've got you, Will, you're okay." 

Connor whirled around, relieved that he had gotten to talk to Will and clear his head. He found Jay and Hailey hovering, both looking worried. Well, Hailey looked worried and Jay looked devastated. If the gunman wasn't already dead, Connor might actually fear for him. Kevin and Adam were in the far corner, hovering over the gunman. He wasn't sure what the point of that was, but he had more important things to focus on. 

"I need someone in here!" Connor hollered out, hoping that Maggie or someone else would finally come. He realized that it had only been about two minutes, and that there was a lot going on outside this room, but Will didn't have _time_ for this. When no one showed up in the next few seconds, Connor steeled himself. "Okay, I need two of you to come hold him still. The bullet is still in him, I need to remove it. If you can't handle this, get out now. Otherwise, I need all the help I can get." 

No one moved. Connor could see the moment that Jay braced himself, and he nodded back. "Okay, come on, I need someone to help me." Hailey volunteered quickly, not wanting Jay to have to do anything. Connor told her where the suture kit was, and then turned to Jay. "Jay, get over here and talk to Will. Ruzek, Atwater, go to his right side and hold him down. He can't move, hear me?" When they nodded and rushed into action, he took a deep breath. Nodding at Hailey, he grabbed a pair of gloves and asked Hailey for a scalpel. 

Looking down at Will, his heart broke at the pain in his eyes. He had always worn his emotions on his sleeve, and seeing the pain made him want to call this off. Will was trying to hide it, trying to seem brave, and it only made it worse. 

"Connor," Just speaking seemed to take a lot of effort, and Connor wanted to tell him to stop. He wanted to hear what Will had to say even more. "Better not mess up," was all that he said, a pained smile on his face. It was such a perfect comment for Will to make, especially towards him, and he breathed out a laugh. 

"And have you yell at me about it forever? Not a chance." Will smirked, before it fell and he turned to Jay with a groan. Connor didn't pay attention to what Jay was telling him, hoping that it would be a good distraction as he brought down the scalpel. Connor was able to fall into his routine, ignoring the pained noises from Will as much as he could. He could hear Jay, Adam and Kevin all talking to Will, but it was all background noise as he fell into the distant mindset needed for surgery. 

When he was able to feel the bullet around the tweezers, he started talking again. He knew that he was probably worrying the others, since they weren't doctors and surely didn't understand what he was doing. "Will, you still with me? I feel the bullet, I'm going to pull it out now. Everything is going to be okay." He didn't mention the chances of nicking an artery; Will would already know that, and it wouldn't help the others. 

"Get on with it, wouldya?" Will's voice was like music to his ears. He smiled, and got to work removing the bullet as carefully as he could. His head was pounding, his knees were numb from the floor, and adrenaline was coursing through him, but he didn't focus on anything but helping Will. When it was out, he held his breath, waiting to see if he had done any damage. If blood spurted out, then he had nicked an artery, if not, then he could wrap it up. 

Relief crashed through him when nothing happened. "Okay, Will, I just need to stitch this up. You're almost done." Will didn't respond, the exhaustion and blood loss making it almost impossible to. Connor wasn't sure how he was still conscious, but he was grateful for it. Grabbing the needle and thread from Hailey, Connor saw Jay flinch. Connor hid a smile, remembering overhearing Will bitch to Jay about not getting his flu shot because of his fear of needles. In all the ways the two were similar, they were also insanely different. Jay turned his head so that he was no longer watching, instead of keeping watch over every move Connor made as he had been. 

"Eyes on me, lil bro." WIll's voice was sluggish in a way that made Connor want to put him to bed and keep him there forever. He busied himself with closing the wound so that he didn't have to see the soft look Will was giving his brother. (He got a peek, and it was definitely going to be one of his favorite Will looks.) 

When it was all done, Will cleaned up and in another room, Connor felt all the adrenaline leave him. He had pulled a double shift, and then thrown himself in the middle of all this danger without a second thought, all because he knew Will was there. It was a lot to process and he didn't know where to start. There was so much to unpack now, because his feelings towards Will clearly went deeper than he'd known. 

"Thank you." Jay's voice shook him from his thoughts, and he looked into the room from where he was leaning against the doorframe. "Connor, seriously, thank you." 

He was nodding along, ready to tell him that it was nothing to thank him for, when Jay kept talking. "He's all I have left you know. If you hadn't been there. . ." His voice broke, and he stopped talking to look down on his brother. Connor swallowed, and roughly told Jay the same thing. If Jay hadn't taken care of the gunman when he had. . . Connor took the time to get a good look at Will, feeling warmth fill him. 

Everything was okay. 


	3. Chapter 3

Connor was hovering. 

Will had been grateful when Jay had dropped him off at his apartment before heading out to work that morning. He had fully expected him to have gotten time off of work from the way he was acting in the hospital. Anytime Will so much as twitched his brother was up and calling for a nurse. But he had just gotten Will settled on the couch and left after making him promise multiple times to call him if he needed anything. Apparently he had already cleared his protectiveness with Voight. Will was pretty sure he just wanted an excuse to come back home. 

So imagine his surprise when the doorbell rang right after he was settling in. He slowly rolled his head around to see the door. Of course his cop brother had locked the door behind him. Rolling his eyes, he shoved himself off of the couch, stumbling to the front door. He was still a bit drowsy from all of the pain meds he had gotten in the hospital, and it took him a few more moments than it normally would to unlock and open the door. 

He hadn't known what to expect when opening the door (Jay would have killed him for not even asking who was on the other side) but it definitely wasn't Connor Rhodes. He had two bags, one that Will recognized as his on-the-go hospital bag, and the other full of . . . groceries? Connor clearing his throat brought him back to himself, and he shook his head to clear it while stepping aside. Connor ( _Connor Rhodes! In his apartment!)_ smiled at him as he dumped his bags in the kitchen, looking around as he went. Will couldn't bring himself to be ashamed of any messes he saw; he had just gotten shot, he wasn't going on a cleaning spree. With shock, he realized that Connor being there wasn't uncomfortable. He didn't feel as self-conscious as he expected, but that was probably because the other doctor had already been to his neighborhood and childhood home. If he could handle being snarked at by his father in Canaryville, he could handle his and Jay's nicer apartment. 

Will leaned against the counter, hoping that the other man couldn't tell how much effort the action took. It was too much to hope for, but Connor didn't mention anything. 

"So," Will drawled out, hoping that Connor would take the hint and start talking. He didn't, so Will did for him. "Did you get lost to your place? Pretty sure it's not in this neighborhood." He couldn't resist the small jab towards Rhodes' money, even though he wasn't as hung up on it as he used to be. That was how the two of them were, constantly arguing with each other. It was what Will found easiest, and probably why he could never keep a relationship. 

Connor didn't take the bait, rolling his eyes as he started unpacking groceries. "Got anything better to do?" 

Will didn't. He let his walls drop, watching Connor get used to the kitchen. He had brought a lot of healthy options with him, but Will had no clue what he was planning on making. He wasn't much of a cook anyways. 

"Alright. What's on the menu, and do I have to help?" He succeeded in making Connor laugh, and he smirked from where he was even though he really wanted to go to sleep. 

"It's my mom's recipe for chicken noodle soup. It'll be done in an hour, go lay down until then." 

His mother's recipe. . . Will couldn't say anything about that. He smiled softly, imagining a younger Connor learning this with his mother before--shaking off the negative thoughts, Will headed towards the couch. From there, he had a good view of Connor pattering around, all in his space, and it made him smile as he fell asleep. He wouldn't mind that view more often.

Waking up was not pleasant. He had slept off the last of the pain meds, and didn't want to take more. He wasn't sure he even could, he doubted it had been long since he left the hospital. Speaking of, he really needed to check his stitches, even though he was sure it wouldn't have gotten infected so soon. That was so much work though, when he could be sleeping. 

"Hey, you awake?" Connor's soft voice broke through his sleepy haze, and he smiled when he remembered him stopping by with groceries for him. The reminder made his cheeks warm, and he busied himself with sitting up as a distraction. The fact that he'd fallen asleep when Connor came by was embarrassing. That was never how he'd pictured that situation happening. He knew that Connor had been the one to suggest him getting rest, but still, that couldn't have been very entertaining for him. 

"Unfortunately," Will said, frowning at how hoarse his voice sounded. Connor laughed as he came around to the coffee table, sitting down in front of Will. Will took the time to properly look at his friend. He had never seen Connor outside of work or Molly's, and the casual look was good on him. He had on a pair of grey joggers (Will would never admit what they were doing to him) with an old shirt with a faded logo on it. Will didn't know what the logo meant but he wanted to.

And Will probably looked a mess, he thought with an internal wince. He was all sleep rumpled, with one of Jay's flannels (the only thing he could fit his arm in without wanting to chop it off) and black sweatpants. It was not his best look, and a part of him always wanted to look good around Connor. It was the side of him that made Maggie notoriously tease him every time the older man was around. 

"Here, drink this. I'm going to check your arm." Will blinked, only just now seeing the bottle of water Connor had been holding out. He smiled sheepishly as he grabbed it from him, while Connor started digging through the hospital bag he'd brought over for a pair of gloves. That comfortable feeling from earlier was back and felt amplified. Will didn't think there was anything Connor could ask of him that he would deny. Maybe it was a result of his life having been in Connor's hands the day before, or maybe it was natural, after the last few months of them steadily forming a friendship. 

"Hey," Will mumbled, dragging Connor's attention away from the makeshift station he was creating on the coffee table. Connor smiled back at him, that slow smile that wrinkled his eyes and did things to Will's heart. (Thankfully, he knew a cardiothoracic surgeon who would give him a good deal if his heart ever gave out.) 

Connor whispered it back, not looking away from him. Will swallowed, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. Everything felt so natural, Connor coming over and cooking for them, sitting with him . . . he didn't want to lose any of this when he was healed. 

"I never thanked you." Will said, stronger this time. Connor's smile softened a little bit, a look in his eyes that made Will sure he was thinking back to yesterday. "Not just for yesterday. I mean-obviously for yesterday--seriously, thank you for not, you know, leaving me alone in there to die." Will was stumbling over his words, losing his thoughts, and he swore under his breath. He let his head hang down, trying to get himself together so that he could properly thank his friend without his feelings getting in the way. 

"Will, look at me, come on." Will couldn't read Connor's voice. It made the part of him that he thought had been dormant rear its head, telling him to run. It was a familiar feeling, but one that he had been holding off for a while, happy to be back in Chicago with his brother. But, just like he did last night, he forced himself to ignore it. He slowly looked up, and felt relief at the caring look Connor was giving him. 

"I never would have left you in there. Well, maybe when we first met," Connor let the end of the sentence trail off, smirking when Will nudged him with his good arm. "Will, I care about you. More than you realize. Hearing that gun go off, and realizing that you were in that room terrified me. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't done something. You don't have to thank me." 

"You care about me." Will repeated slowly, not able to believe it. After weeks of desperately trying to ignore the tension between the two of them, the words were shocking. Connor nodded, but then pointed at him with a glare. 

"We can talk about this later, Halstead. Take off your shirt--don't smirk at me like that!--and let me re-wrap your arm so that we can eat." Will protested half-heartedly, normally not a fan of being babied. He actually didn't mind it so much when Connor was doing it, not that he would admit to that. Connor helped him get his arm out of Jay's flannel, and diligently got to work examining it. He helped Will through some small exercises, Will glaring at him whenever he used his doctor voice. 

"Okay, okay, I don't realize that I'm doing it!" Connor gave up, putting his arms up as he laughed. Will laughed back, letting his glare disappear. It had long stopped working on Connor anyway. 

Leaning back against the couch and watching Connor divvy up the soup, Will felt more relaxed than he should have after the night before. The anxiety was still there, and wouldn't go away anytime soon, but for now he was content. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! again, I'm taking requests and ideas, and I would love to know what you think!!


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